Marauder Truth or Dare!
by lemmonbomb
Summary: It's the Yule ball and all the Marauders  bar Sirius  are in various states of depression. Luckily, they know just what to do to cheer each other up... it's Marauder Truth or Dare! Firewhisky! Chocolate! Veritaserum! Streaking James! Hormonal Remus!


**Disclaimer: I own the new Hellogoodye CD, and it's amazing" Sadly, I own nothing Harry Potter related. All that belongs to the inspiration that is, JK.**

**Hee hee, this has to be one of the most fun things I've ever written. Hope you enjoy – oh, and by the way, it's not rated T for teen for nothing!**

"I can't believe I'm going to miss the sodding Yule Ball all for a bloody curse from Snivellus. Now I'll never get to even _see_ Evans, let alone take her there and get some mistletoe action. Ugh, I hate my life!" James stormed moodily from the Hospital Wing, a wary Sirius at his side. Severus had just that day performed a hex on James that meant he had been covered in gruesome yellow pustules, which though Madam Pomfrey had been easily able to reduce, they left a residue that, in a few hours time, would be highly infectious to all members of the female sex for a few days. It had taken James every ounce of his inner strength not to punch the living daylights out of the sympathetic, yet highly amused Sirius, who had accompanied him to the Hospital Wing.

"Careful, James, if you make many more depressing comments like that you'll turn into a Moony clone!"

"Ha. Ha." Spat James through clenched teeth, as he wrenched open the door to the dormitory. Peter jumped, but quickly relaxed again when he saw who it was. The look of fear slowly crept back to his face again, however, when he saw James' livid face. He looked to Sirius for an explanation.

"Are you going to tell them or am I?" said Sirius, furiously trying to hold back a laugh. James gave a huff from his bed as he kicked off his shoes. "I'll guess at me then. Old Snivel-guts shot a curse at James while his back was turned. It means that," he resisted the huge temptation to smirk "James is officially under quarantine from all girls for the next few days. He could infect them with a nasty case of Puffing Pustules." At this point, Sirius' face had creased with the effort of restraining his laughter, and it instead burst from him in strange, short little muffled gulps. This sound alone was funny enough to make Peter start laughing, but both stopped when a voice came from James' pillow – "Not funny!"

"Oh, what a pity. Your life is over for one lousy day of the year. Big deal. Try every flipping full moon and see how you like it!"

"Oooh, somebody's nearing that time of the month!" Sirius called in a high girly voice as he sat down on his own bed. Remus responded by chucking his hefty History of Magic textbook at him. "No need to throw your toys out of the pram, Moony! It's tomorrow, isn't it? And it's not like you were going to the ball with anybody."

"I wasn't! I'd stayed well out of everybody's way...her way. Until this morning when Grace Memory actually asked me! Months I've fancied her, months! And I had to sodding well turn her down because '_my mum's ill_.' I had to turn her down! Ugh, I'll never get a date, I hate my life!" Remus groaned in despair and flopped down onto his bed. He snapped a piece of chocolate off the bar – which was strictly off bounds to anybody but Remus - that sat on his bedside table, and bit on it in a depressed manor.

"Told you James," said Sirius, quietly amused. James let out a groan not dissimilar from the one that Remus had just emitted. He might have told Sirius to sod off, but his head was buried in his pillow so he couldn't hear properly. Fighting back tears of silent laughter, Sirius turned to Peter. "What about you, Wormtail? Is your love life in ruins too?"

"I, well, I, err..." Peter stammered, blushing. Feeling moody, Remus rolled over.

"He never got a date in the first place! Dilys Jones slapped him when he asked her."

Sirius howled with laughter, before apologising profusely to Peter, who had shot Remus a cross glance before leaning back grumpily on his bed too. "Oh, you big bunch of depressed, hormonal girls! It's not the end of the world! James, Evans wasn't going with you anyway, was she?"

There was a pause. "Not yet."

"Exactly! So let's assume that she'd have said no – at least everybody'll know why you're not there – maybe she'll feel sorry for you?"

"...S'pose..."

"And Peter. Peter, Peter, Peter. You can't complain about none of the girls fancying you when you don't even try and impress them! It's taken us this long to get Remus to stop being such a shy wreck and just flirt back at them! Did you even say anything nice to Dilys before asking her? And of all people, why pick the one with the best aim on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team?

"And Remus...well. Not much can be done about your situation I'm afraid." A glint of glee in his eyes, Sirius remembered something that after a hilarious game of truth or dare Remus had admitted, much to his regret, about his hormonal activity during the lunar cycle. "Just this once, you won't be able to take beautiful, slim, long-lashed, long-legged Grace to the dance – "

"Stop it – " Remus' warned, his voice low – almost like a growl.

"Won't be able to dance with her, take her waist in your hand, twirl her around the dance floor so that her long, sweet-smelling, luxurious hair swishes out around her just brushing invitingly against your cheeks – "

"Sirius, I'm not even kidding, this is the worst point in the cycle – "

"Won't be able to sweep her under the mistletoe and kiss her soft, smooth, delicate pink lips – "

Remus, whose ears had gone uncontrollably red, fled hurriedly from the room into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

"What you doing in there, Moony?" called Sirius, sniggering.

"Cold shower. Sod off."

As Sirius barked with laughter, even James and Peter couldn't keep their moody faces on and began to chuckle with Sirius. Sirius hushed them all quickly as they listened to Remus' gasp as he stepped under the icy water. Instantly, they resulted to roaring with laughter, their bad moods almost forgotten. "So what about you, Padfoot? Did you score a date for the Yule or not?" said James.

"We-ell, I did say I'd go with Tania Saddleton, but – "

"Tania Saddleton? That tart in Hufflepuff? You have to be joking!" James' eyes were popping from his head, which he shook at Sirius. "Y'know if Remus wasn't dousing himself in ice right now, thinking of dying Nifflers, he would have tutted at you!"

"Yeah I know. Still, she's got the most gorgeous long legs and she did seem very willing." Peter and James guffawed. "But anyway, I was thinking of not bothering and going on a midnight stroll with Moony instead."

"Come off it. We all know you enjoy a good snog more than the rest of us!"

"Yeah, but I feel sorry for all you lot now. I reckon I'll tell her I can't be bothered and go out with you guys instead. We could get up to rather a lot of mischief with everybody distracted at the ball."

"Yeah I guess – and Tania won't mind?"

"Nah, girls love that sort of thing." Peter opened his mouth to question this, but Remus had stepped out from the bathroom, shivering. He looked very cold.

"You come back down to Earth then, Moony?"

"In more ways than one," muttered James under his breath, as the other two laughed. Remus turned round, ignoring this.

"Yes, thank you James, I had a wonderful shower." His teeth chattered as he pulled on three jumpers at once. Then he dropped his voice "Though if I catch hypo-sodding-thermia all for Grace, I won't be the happiest werewolf you've ever met." The room filled with laughter, and Sirius, in high festive spirits, pulled open his bedside cabinet to reveal five bottles of Firewhiskey. He pulled them all out.

"Christ, Padfoot, where did all of those come from?" said James, as he leapt over to have a look.

"Never you mind," winked Sirius. "I fancy a game of Truth or Dare. Marauder Style!"

"No." Remus was clear as he shook his wet head, his floppy hair scattering water over the others.

"Oh come on Moony, it'll be a laugh!" said a grinning Peter, "Drown your sorrows!"

"That's the spirit, Peter!" said Sirius, as he uncorked the first bottle. Remus hesitated.

"Oh...oh sod it. Fine, I'm playing." Sirius, James and Peter gave a whoop as Remus sat down on the floor with them, completing the circle.

"Marauder rules apply!" beamed Sirius.

"We have Marauder rules?" Remus said, wearily.

"Of course, don't you remember? Or maybe we just made them up as we went along last time...well anyway, Truth's and Dare's are rewarded with a shot of Firewhisky, and the forfeit is to strip. But we don't believe in forfeits, unless there are girls around." Sirius winked saucily.

"And terrible truths mean everybody takes a swig!" grinned James.

"Exactly! Now who wants to go first?" Sirius stared at Remus, before deciding "Peter! Truth or Dare?"

"I – wha – Truth." Peter, though fidgeting with excitement, began to bite anxiously on his fingernails.

"No, no, wait! I'm getting that Veritaserum we nicked from Slughorn out, so there's no hiding!" James dived into his trunk, as Peter gulped. Remus looked baffled.

"When did we steal Veritaserum from Professor Slughorn?"

"Oh, you were in the hospital wing dead to the world after a night at the shack."

"And you didn't think to tell me?"

"Nah, we thought we might slip it in your pumpkin juice at breakfast for a laugh."

"Oh, thanks."

"Anytime, Moony!"

"Here it is! One sip each, I reckon. You first Peter," James thrust the bottle over to Peter, who looked uneasy. _You're a Marauder _he thought, as he seized it and glugged down a mouthful. The rest followed suit, Remus looking sceptical. James rapped his hands on the table and faced Peter.

"Ok, Ok. What's the furthest you've ever got with a girl?"

"I – y – w- kissed my mum goodnight!" Peter squeaked in horror and clapped his hand over his mouth. James and Sirius roared with laughter and even Remus, though trying to hold back to protect his friend's pride, couldn't help but laugh. "Firewhisky, I think!" called Sirius, through hysterical splutters. They each clinked glasses and drank a shot. Remus watched as Peter turned from crimson red back down to Peter pink. He sighed; he knew what it was like to have a tendency to blush unwillingly at awkward moments. Sirius heard him sigh and leapt back to the table from the floor, where he had been rolling with laughter. "Moony! Truth or dare?"

"Well this is a dilemma. See I'd pick dare to avoid answering some awful question about werewolf sex or whatever it is that swims around in your head, but on the other hand, I can see your dares also being terrifyi-"

"He picks truth!" said James, interrupting before Remus could waste anymore time. Remus groaned and the other three boys cackled. "What happened in the horniest dream you ever had?" Peter guffawed and the boys' eyes were eager.

"Not fair!" Remus pressed his lips together to avoid the truth springing from his mouth. He could feel his ears growing hot.

"Come on Moony, your ears have flushed so there must be something in there!" James grinned as he leant over to Remus, whose lips were shaking. There was only one thing running round in his head thanks to the Veritaserum and he just couldn't resist anymore -

"Me'n Grace shagging'n' a broom cupboard full o'feathers'n'honey!" Remus gabbled the words before feeling the blush envelope his face, which he banged against the wall as the three boys howled with laughter.

"Firewhisky!" the drink was passed round. Remus took an extra large sip.

"Careful, Moony, or you'll need another cold shower!"

"Oh, ha ha. Who's next?"

"Me me me!" Sirius shouted "Dare!"

"I've got one!" cried Peter, to James' surprise. Peter leaned over and whispered in Sirius' ear. Sirius paled. "Wormtail, that's not even funny. That's downright dangerous. Are you trying to kill me or something?" Peter giggled with glee.

"You have to do it, Padfoot – this is a Marauder game we're playing." James grinned again, though wickedly. Remus watched Sirius, who appeared to be staring at him.

"What do you have to do anyway?" he said. Sirius looked...afraid?

"This –oh god, oh god, oh god." Remus, James and Peter watched, amused, as Sirius got up from the table and walked over to Remus' bed. He opened the top drawer of Remus' bedside table and his smile vanished. Sirius had pulled out a bar of Honeyduke's finest. Remus couldn't help but growl (the full moon was, after all, only a day away, and his friends understood that the increasing pressure of exams and hormones made his condition difficult to control as the full moon approached.)

"Touch that chocolate and I swear I'll bite you." James and Peter laughed nervously, thrilled at the suspense. Sirius tried to put on a brave face.

"OK, calm down Moony, I'm just going to have one little square - "

Remus raised an eyebrow menacingly at his friend. "I'd think about that very carefully before you attempt it, if I were you."

"I told you this was a bad idea Wormtail! But I'm not a Marauder for nothing." James' eyes popped as Sirius snapped off a small piece and raised it to his mouth. Before he could put it in, however, Remus had growled again and pounced at him. A fight ensued.

Five minutes later, Remus was sat tiredly but unharmed in a corner eating chocolate compulsively and gulping Firewhiskey, Sirius had a broken toe, a black eye, a hefty nose bleed and a bottle of Firewhisky clasped between his hands, and James and Peter were sat watching them, also drinking Firewhisky. All four of them were laughing at the ridiculous outburst.

"I told you you should have thought about it, Padfoot."

"I didn't think you'd be that violent! You never fight!" Sirius looked shocked, but he was grinning

"Yeah well, it's hard to restrain myself at this time of the cycle."

"What, from leaping onto a mate and pinning him to your bed?" James smirked.

"Oh sod off or I might try and rape you too!" the four laughed, and James pretended to cower away from Remus. He shrieked in a high-pitched, girly voice as he backed against the wall, which only made them laugh harder. Remus hiccoughed "And I do believe that brings us onto Prongs' turn! And you've picked dare! We may need a moment to consider your options." James laughed and moaned at the same time as Remus, Sirius and Peter drew into a huddle and began to whisper. Sirius whooped loudly as they chuckled wildly. They turned round. "Prongs, we dare you to fly a lap round the castle starkers!" announced Remus, as James buried his head in his hands. He resurfaced, still laughing piteously at his dare.

"Just how starkers do you mean?"

"Bollock naked!" Sirius burst out, and Peter collapsed helplessly into a pile on his bed, laughing.

"Easy peasy! Though you can all bugger off while I strip – unless you'd like to stay for the show, Wormtail?" James smacked his bum and wiggled his eyebrows at Peter as the others guffawed and fled into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind them.

"OK, I'm ready!" called James. The others awkwardly left the bathroom, peering into the room. Sirius spotted James first, sat perfectly bollock naked on his broom facing out of the windowsill. He turned his head. "It's freezing cold, so I'll be off – "

"Oh no you don't! This is a Marauder dare and therefore – " Sirius waved his wand at James "You get an extra challenge." Remus' eyes grew wide as he, Peter and Sirius stared in ecstasy at James. He was sporting a pink cape which said "Marry me, Evans?" and his rear was glowing a luminous white.

"You bastard Sirius!"

"I think you know what to do!" Sirius ran over to the window and gave James a shove. They roared with laughter as they watched him set off, his rear a glowing spot in the distance.

"Hey Moony, the full moon came early!" and Remus, though usually less than impressed with moon references, could not help but snicker.

A short while later, James soared in through the window, pulling the large red velvet curtain off the rail as he went. He quickly rapped it round himself, and shivered violently. "You...lot...are...all...utter...BASTARDS!" They burst out in uncontrollable laughter. Sirius banged his fist against the wall as he whooped, Peter rolled on the floor like a maniac, and Remus clutched at his sides, which felt as though they would split at any second. His throat jumping as he repressed his laughter, Remus wandered over to James' bed and threw him his discarded jeans and jumper, which he quickly pulled on. After a moment, James smirked and all was forgiven. "Wanna know what happened then?"

"Yeah!" shouted Sirius, as he swigged yet more Firewhisky. He watched his friend intently.

"Flew past McGonagall's room first. I don't think she was entirely sure what she witnessed but she fainted in shock." He grinned as Peter cheered. "Other highlights included going past the Slytherin dungeons. I flew especially low to moon Snape, who screamed like a girl. And then finally," his smile faded a little "I got all the way back round, and went to Lily's window. I showed her the cape – she screamed some abuse at me and waved her wand in that oh-so-sexy, oh-so-deadly way. You're not seeing the main side-effect in a million years, but take a look at my cape." Remus hiccoughed a laugh. It now read "I HATE you, James Potter, you disgusting, sick-minded, immature toad. NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN!" Sirius laughed as James began to change the cape to reveal a much less insulting message. "And this is taking pride of place in the common room tomorrow," he said, as the others chortled. "Now where the hell is that Firewhiskey?"

**Did you enjoy? Please review, pretty please! Reviews make me happy in these dark times of revision and exams. Also – more chapters with the girls or not? If so, ideas please? I'm low on inspiration right now **** Please review!**


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